A Cursery Decision
The 15th moon
Of the month
Usha
The first time I met Aerus, he painted a symbol on my right arm and I couldn’t move my fingers for three lengths of the sun’s shadow. I know now it was a tamed curse and I was fortunate he’d only used mud kicked up from horses hooves. If Aerus’d used red clay harvested from the Nathia region to paint the Ebul symbol, every sign of life in my body would have been stagnant for days. It would have definitely given my mother a scare, not to mention the possibility of me being buried alive. I’m grateful it was just the mud. I have yet to learn why he placed such a minor curse on me, but I guess his intended purpose worked, since I chose to be his apprentice after the experience.
I’m not technically old enough to be an apprentice, I’ve a few more summers before it can be official, but Aerus has not mentioned my age so I’ve left it be. I decided to keep this journal to show my progress as I learn.
The 20th moon
Of the month
Usha
I have elected to not tell anyone of my new status, especially my mother. My father and older brother died because of a curse from a wielder of peccant magic, and most would spout that I should ‘be afraid’ of such powers because of what it took from me. What others do not understand is, that is precisely why I am staying with Aerus. Why shouldn’t I spend my time understanding a magic with such potency and potentiality?
Aerus changed my life when he chose me, even if I am still just scrubbing the floors.
The 22nd moon
Of the month
Adrun
Aerus questioned my motivation today. I have plenty of motivation, but maybe he said it to motivate me further. Since my father’s death, my mother and I have not been the most popular in the Zimdaal province. Our neighbors rebuked all forms of sympathy and landed their opinions securely in outcasting judgement. Needless to say our lives have not been the same. We struggle for food because no one will sell to us and coin is scarce because folks think my mother’s wool will bring them misfortune. We can only sell to those outside of our local village. My mother refuses to give up kindness toward our cynics—may the gods bless her—but I’m tired of being kicked into the manure-laden earth.
I never told mother how awful my schooling has become. The other kids are careful about where they abuse me, but I leave for home each day with new bruises, and the older ones stay dark purple before turning fresh again. The teachers, who side with our neighbors, do nothing to stop them. I do not fight back, I can’t. My undernourished frame seems to only be capable of holding my bones together. I’m tired of being weak.
Still, I admit, there is a part of me that doubts my decision to stay with Master Aerus. I’m not that far into my studies and he has promised me leave without consequences should I wish it.
The 13th moon
Of the month
Iroti
I seem to have finally earned Aerus’ trust. All through winter he had me reading books to understand the basics, and it took me weeks to understand that this was his way of teaching me. I believe my dilatory pace was a disappointment to my master. Once I realized the purpose of all the reading, I had a sudden irrational fear of my choice to study peccant magic. I did lose important people to such practices, after all, and I’ve suffered for it.
It took me several days to see beyond my fear and, ultimately, I refused to let go and walk away from my studies. During my reading and few practice sessions I’ve felt a spark of power that is more than tempting. I have also seen what is capable because of my master. It is that strength I will learn and use to keep others from hurting me or my mother.
The 30th moon
Of the month
Usha
I managed to keep my apprenticeship hidden for a long time, longer than I expected, but my mother has discovered what I’ve been doing. I do not know how, maybe she followed me to Master Aerus’ home? She is the angriest I have seen her in years. It was to be expected, but she has gone as far as dislodging me from the small thatched house I was born in, and where I made all my memories. She called me poltroon before tossing me out. She’ll regret that decision.
The 3rd moon
Of the month
Azlie
I think mother would forgive me if I departed from learning peccant magic and repented, and I’ll admit there is a small part of me that wants to agree to it. We could start over in a different village in a different province. Rumors and lies would not darken our door. We could have a chance to be whole again.
The 5th moon
Of the month
Azlie
The days spent apart from her have been hard. We were each other’s strength for so many years after my father and brother’s deaths. She said my study of this magic is a road I will not be able to turn away from, and that’s the part that scares me the most. I know of no argument to deny her claim and I have to believe she said what she did because of fear for me. Mothers will always love their children no matter what, at least that’s what I’ve always believed.
Except…here’s the problem; she doesn’t understand what my life has been like since father and Tusran died. I could have been honest with her about what I’ve dealt with since their deaths, but she didn’t need more burdens on her shoulders. How could I lay my troubles on her already slumped form? I always felt my issues were my burdens to bear, which is why I cannot turn away from peccant magic. It is the key to my survival.
The 13th moon
Of the month
Azlie
I’ve lost the last vestiges of the family into which I was born. Writing my decision in here makes it feel like a binding contract. I ignored the feeling the other night, but now I’ll concede to this stabbing in my chest from the loss, a hole imploring to be filled with purpose. I’ve told Aerus of what occurred and that I had been sleeping under the stars and he immediately offered me a place to live. It’s an offer I cannot refuse. I suppose I’ll have to find a new family with my master. At least he will not abandon me for my decision.
The 8th moon
Of the month
Phirai
I am not so fervent in my pursuit of magic as I once was, but I made my choice. The power is worth the price I paid. I will never be looked upon as weak again. Tomorrow, I begin learning how to set someone alight with the appropriate alignment of the Neya and Witha symbols. Master Aerus says I will need to practice and I’ve already selected the person who will assist me.